Funny People

Jim Gaffigan Like most pale people I will be occupying the indoors this summer.

Judah Friedlander Hey @baratunde excellent work today at #GaithersburgBookFestival

Michael Ian Black If anybody wants to understand the purpose of Twitter, please refer to my last tweet. Thanks.

Dane Cook Sometimes people come into your life at exactly the wrong time.

Michael Ian Black My sneeze patterns: 1 = below average. 2 = average. 3+ = above average.

Judah Friedlander RT @jaydeliciousice: @JudahWorldChamp: must be teaching suckas to levitate, people floating all over the #GaithersburgBookFestival #craz ...

Judah Friedlander RT @erin_willett: Hell yea! @JudahWorldChamp at the Gaithersburg Book Festival! http://t.co/u1u4Vh0V

Joel Stein My @Time column, about Mitt's high school cruelties and my own, in which I stupidly forget to mention my book: http://t.co/lbGudrAB

Dane Cook Hugh, this is funny man… “@RealHughJackman: Hey guys, check out my latest "audition"... http://t.co/hhPasslW”

Kathy Griffin Naughty! RT @mikeruiz1: Kathy Griffin from her new DVD cover that I shot http://t.co/hCR4Only

Kathy Griffin Taken at my show last night! Haha. Can't wait to hit the stage tonight & look a little crazier! http://t.co/BoE39Aos

Chris Hardwick Just left Wichita. That lineman is STILL on the line. Give it a rest already! #AssyTouristJokes

Doug Benson 35 mins 'til showtime, Comedy Attic in Bloomington - my mom calls it Bloomies - IN! Give or take 10 minutes. #TakeIt http://t.co/LreomwUL

Michael Ian Black 99% of you did not do as much mulching as I did today. I am the 1%.

Patton Oswalt .@BattleshipMovie is thankful to the men & women in the armed forces. // And they're thankful for THE AVENGERS.

Patton Oswalt Heartbreaking blog post from @danharmon. Sometimes I forget show business can really suck: http://t.co/L0Qtq9eC

Adam Carolla Is it just me or is there almost no toilet plunger humor anymore?

Rob Huebel Guy in airport has t-shirt that says, "REMOVE ON FLIGHT". I wish I'd worn my "FUCK THAT GUY. HE CLEARLY HAS BEEN DYING TO WEAR THAT" shirt

Kevin Pollak I'm sorry, but you seriously need to ask yourself, "Have I heard Talkin Walkin #9?" iTunes - http://t.co/TBApPq8m or http://t.co/kD31tyLw

Kevin Nealon I bet those 4 out of 5 dentists are dead by now.