Conan O'Brien And just what am I supposed to do with this warehouse full of “Don’t Taze Me Bro” mouse pads?
5:12 PM Jun 9th
Conan O'Brien Played softball with my son last night. He says I “throw like a Conan.”
11:57 AM Jun 8th
Conan O'Brien I’m looking for a Franklin in the streets and a Bash in the sheets.
9:24 PM Jun 7th
Conan O'Brien Just woke up from a nap and discovered 18 more “Game of Thrones” characters have been killed.
8:11 PM Jun 6th
Conan O'Brien If you think that’s bad, you should see how Michael Douglas got eczema.
3:05 PM Jun 5th
Conan O'Brien In 10 years, my wife and I have never gone to bed angry. Thanks, couch and spare pillow.
9:52 AM Jun 4th
Conan O'Brien Want to get slammed from every conceivable angle? Pick the bumper car that’s painted like a police cruiser.
6:30 PM Jun 3rd
Conan O'Brien I’m going to be like my dad and show up to every one of my son’s Little League games, but without all the betting.
1:12 PM Jun 2nd
Conan O'Brien Pretty sure karate was invented by a guy and a bee.
3:39 PM Jun 1st
Conan O'Brien I’m really scared of horror movies with clowns, and this theater is full of them.
5:16 PM May 31st
Conan O'Brien We’re all looking for a Canada by day, and a Mexico at night.
1:55 PM May 30th
Conan O'Brien Adultery hookup site “http://t.co/DYZJpa3LMK” worries me, but not as much as “http://t.co/NGN8jmwZPC.”
11:01 AM May 28th
Conan O'Brien Whenever I feel like L.A. is sketchy, I remind myself that most of its van-based tattoo removal clinics are “Fully Bonded.”
3:51 PM May 27th
Conan O'Brien Please, for the love of God, nobody retweet this.
11:51 AM May 26th
Conan O'Brien I truly believe we’re all in this together. Now I just have to figure out what “this” is.
2:37 PM May 24th
Conan O'Brien Anxiously awaiting the return of Nanny McPhee.
10:50 AM May 22nd