- Twitter: @DaneCook
- Bio: When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
- Followers: 3,034,792
- Friends: 153
- On Twitter Since: February 16th, 2009
Dane Cook Just looked closer at my JAY-Z tix I bought from a scalper. Has concert name as JAY-Y & THE SUNSHINE BAND. Aww citizen please.
6:39 PM Mar 26th
Dane Cook New term options 4 a guy losing their virginity. Bleeding white. Melting the pearl. Firing a milky bullet into the pink nest.
3:18 PM Mar 23rd
Dane Cook My mom would have been 70 today. Happy birthday Donna Jean Cook! I love & miss you boatloads. xo Mr. D *
4:44 PM Apr 1st
Dane Cook I'm awake. What are you doing?
1:17 AM Dec 29th
Dane Cook I'm in Montreal after a killer show in Ottawa. Hitting the town. Hit back.
10:10 PM Dec 11th
Dane Cook Performing at White House 2nite 4 The United States of AmericHaHa Show w/guest host Anthony C3PO Daniels! Ok yea April Fools uh huh we done?
11:30 AM Apr 1st
Dane Cook Bitter Sweet Symphony just came on my shuffle followed by Rape Me & right into Rocky theme. Wow. My iTunes is speaking to me.
6:00 PM Jan 5th
Dane Cook I just wanted to send a shout out to all the troops home & abroad. Making u laugh is the greatest compliment ever.
11:27 AM Mar 26th
Dane Cook War is not the answer. I will kill anyone that says otherwise.
4:29 PM Dec 2nd
Dane Cook Columbus, Ohio you've got a new resident. At least for the next 9 hours. After that I'm moving my comedy tent to Grand Rapids, MI.
10:26 AM Oct 15th
Dane Cook "Some things are better left unsaid." Like this quote.
3:44 PM Feb 24th
Dane Cook Working on 2 charities for Haiti. One local in LA & the other something bigger with some big names. Focus! Be bold! Donate! Pray!
4:09 PM Jan 19th
Dane Cook No, no, umm-CNN ... yea, sorry, wait. I missed the Tiger Woods thing you guys touched on. What were you saying before?
3:56 PM Dec 27th
Dane Cook Celtics fans let me hear you! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA!
3:07 PM Jun 15th
Dane Cook You can not escape your past. So why not continue to hang out & have sex with it until a hotter future comes along.
4:52 PM Jan 20th
Dane Cook Im whelmed today. Not over or under. Perhaps Im midwhelmed.
10:00 AM Feb 25th
Dane Cook Celtics / Lakers Game 7 Thursday. No other games matter. BEAT LA!
8:52 PM Jun 15th
Dane Cook you cant bullshit a bullshitter but you can prognosticate a prognosticator
8:03 PM Mar 4th
Dane Cook My dream girl? Pegasus wings (real not implants), likes toe wrestling & understands the binary language of moisture vaporators
7:42 PM Jan 19th