Homer J. Simpson Fox Sunday Night Season Finales! Finally, a reason to watch Fox other than being in prison with a broken channel changer.
3:01 PM May 19th
Homer J. Simpson To the haters that said I couldn't cook hot dogs in my radiator while driving, I got 2 franks and a horrible stomach ache to prove you wrong
11:31 AM May 19th
Homer J. Simpson Can't wait for summer and the real fun - speeding through school zones!
4:25 PM May 18th
Homer J. Simpson Choking Bart today, I noticed he got taller. Life. One minute you're choking a boy, and in a blink, you're choking a man
3:42 PM May 18th
Homer J. Simpson Marge wanted to see Gatsby and I wanted to see Ironman. Compromise: we saw Gatsby but I made explosion noises every 3 minutes.
11:25 AM May 13th
Homer J. Simpson Mother’s Day is the Christmas of fake Valentine's Days.
2:10 PM May 12th
Homer J. Simpson This morning I made a certain special someone breakfast in bed. And then I remembered it's Mother's Day! Running out for bagels.
12:55 PM May 12th
Homer J. Simpson April comes in like a lamb & goes out like a lion. Same thing cats can do when Prof. Frink gets his animal changing machine working.
9:55 AM Apr 26th
Homer J. Simpson I celebrate Earth Day every day. It's easy when a judge sentences you to a million hours of roadside trash pick up.
11:41 AM Apr 22nd
Homer J. Simpson I'm writing this from work. At least when I should be at work and on a computer I took from work. So pretty much the same thing.
1:01 PM Apr 18th
Homer J. Simpson I was rejected for lap band surgery. Apparently they don't come in my size yet.
12:01 PM Apr 15th
Homer J. Simpson If Mr. Burns didn't want me to make s'mores at work, he shouldn't have let me bring in marshmallows and a hibachi.
11:30 AM Apr 12th
Homer J. Simpson I'm starting to think some of these college basketball players are more about basketball than college. Sorry if that offends anyone.
7:00 PM Apr 8th
Homer J. Simpson I like March Madness. It offers a nice change from Grampa's rest-of-the-year-dementia.
3:40 PM Apr 6th
Homer J. Simpson In honor of April Fools' Day, I went to the Nuclear Plant on time this morning and will put in a full day's work. HeeHeeHee!
11:21 AM Apr 1st
Homer J. Simpson I love April Fool’s Day - I get to pretend Bart being my son is just someone pranking me.
9:55 AM Apr 1st
Homer J. Simpson My old college Hamburger University didn't make the tournament. They were only ranked as a sesame seed.
4:45 PM Mar 28th