Joan Rivers ATTENTION Canada. "Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work" opens August 13th. Go see what all of America is raving about!!!!
3:35 PM Aug 3rd
Joan Rivers I love NY, but there are lots of rapes. My friend on West 93rd can't have sex with her husband unless he chases her down a dark alley first.
10:55 AM Jul 6th
Joan Rivers Is anyone aware that Lady Gaga’s meat dress from the VMAs is the first award-show garment ever to be USDA approved?
4:57 PM Sep 16th
Joan Rivers Had so many great jokes tweeted to me yesterday! I will be posting some honorable mentions through the week! Thanks for making me laugh!
9:59 AM Aug 10th
Joan Rivers I hate buying gifts for old people. Do you know how many rolls of wrapping paper it takes to cover a coffin!?
4:18 PM Jun 1st
Joan Rivers Lindsay Lohan had "Fuck You" painted on her nails. What people don't know is that the judge had "Eat me you party skank," painted on hers.
2:14 PM Jul 9th
Joan Rivers This morning I said to Melissa, “You never call.” She said, “I also never visit or send you emails, doesn’t that tell you something?
11:42 AM Oct 2nd
Joan Rivers CORRECTION!! In Australia and New Zealand, tune in to E! at 7pm on Sept. 11th to see FASHION POLICE!!
2:41 PM Sep 10th
Joan Rivers Lady Gaga has totally turned fashion on its ear. She hasn't worn the same thing twice since she was in diapers.
8:03 AM Oct 1st
Joan Rivers Mel Gibson is such an ass that street sweepers have to shine his star on Hollywood Boulevard with Preparation H.
7:53 AM Jul 28th
Joan Rivers For my own amusement, I am playing Meryl Streep, playing Joan Rivers, playing the part of a partygoer in the Smurfs movie!
11:14 PM May 26th
Joan Rivers Here are names Mel’s considering for his new persona: “Dr. Dreidel,” “Limp Brisket,” “Jew-Z,” and “50-Cent, But for You 35-C
10:32 AM Jul 22nd
Joan Rivers I saw the worst drag queen in NY today.She needed to be more careful "tucking." It looked like she had Gary Coleman stuffed down her dress.
4:19 PM Sep 9th
Joan Rivers Thanks UK for all the weather reports. Let me get this straight-its currently raining in London??? Shocking….
3:37 PM Sep 6th
Joan Rivers Vegas has changed! I remember the town before it became all about sex and drugs. Nowadays a high roller is a hooker on cocaine.
12:19 PM Sep 30th
Joan Rivers I'm padding my part. Trying to turn this into Joan Meets The Smurfs. They say we're going to be out by 2. Please god!!
10:16 PM May 26th
Joan Rivers Honestly, for $100 million, I'd get a divorce from George Clooney.
11:39 AM Aug 26th
Joan Rivers I'm back on late night TV! Taping the Late Show with David Letterman today. THRILLED. Tune in Thursday, July 22nd!!!
12:19 PM Jul 19th
Joan Rivers About to have a mother/daughter bonding experience which includes massages and waxing. Oh my.....stay tuned!
2:20 PM Jul 27th
Joan Rivers No matter what you look like, enjoy your body. I just checked my ankles--so "Old Lady"! Support stockings are suddenly are becoming a plus.
1:07 PM Aug 27th