Stephen Colbert If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.
8:36 PM Jun 10th
Stephen Colbert Learn something new every day. Like, did you know Glenn Frey did not invent the frying pan? And he also didn't invent the Glenning pan.
10:55 AM Jun 6th
Stephen Colbert I'm taking next week off from work to better understand the psychological plight of the unemployed. Just kidding, I'm going to Cabo!
8:59 PM May 23rd
Stephen Colbert If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it might be a prairie dog, because I often get them confused with ducks.
11:33 AM May 22nd
Stephen Colbert Folks in Portland, OR are protesting adding fluoride to the water. They're more into locally sourced, artisanally reduced forms of fluorine.
8:12 AM May 21st
Stephen Colbert To avoid the IRS targeting me as a conservative, I file all my taxes under the name Chef Boyardee.
8:40 PM May 20th
Stephen Colbert !
5:36 AM May 18th
Stephen Colbert Venezuela claims it's short 40 million rolls of toilet paper. Hopefully it can reach under the stall and borrow some from Colombia.
10:12 AM May 17th